it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
