he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
