I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
