Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
