you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
