Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
