is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
