from now on my penis is your penis
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize