a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
