if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
