my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
