im six kinds of drunk right now
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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