I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
