Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
