What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
