Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
