He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
