I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
