im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
