when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
