Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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