I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
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She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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