Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
