Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
