I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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