I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
