I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
