Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
