like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
