the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
