so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
