Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
