so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
