Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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