someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Why are your pants in the freezer?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
