Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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