There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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