Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
