the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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