Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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