Acid is not a monday night drug
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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