wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
