i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it's not cheating when I paid for it
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
