things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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