fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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