Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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