Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
