Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
