shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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