He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
