I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
