I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
