the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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