I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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