I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
