Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
