I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
