Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
