I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
