Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
