I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
