I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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