You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
