Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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