How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
