Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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