Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
