Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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